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Sunday 12/13 Jokes
Valley of the Sun Casual Club :: ENTERTAINMENT , SPORTS & NEWS & SOCIAL MEDIA :: DON"T CHOKE IT "JOKE IT "
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Sunday 12/13 Jokes
by JimQ916 Sun 13 Dec 2015, 5:14 pm
Sunday Funnies 12/13
World Golf Tour - Automated Email
To
jimq916@yahoo.com
Today at 6:58 PM
Sunday Funnies 12/13
By JimQ916 in Valley of the Sun Casual Club
Q: What's the difference between a bar and a clitoris?
A: Men have no trouble finding a bar.
**************************
After a hot, hard day's work Joe went into a bar to quench his thirst. He walked up to the bar and asked the bartender for a beer. The bartender replied "There's one thing every man has to do here before getting served. You have to tell me the name of your penis." Joe thought it was a bit silly and asked the bartender what he named his. The bartender said " I named mine Nike...like you know...just do it!" So he thought about it for a few minutes then said "I got one...Secret." The bartender said "Why Secret?" Joe said "Well...it's strong enough for a man, but made for a woman."
**********************
A judge grew tired of seeing the same town drunk in front of his bench. One day the judge glared down at the man, who was still intoxicated, and thundered "It is the sentence of this court that you be taken from here to a place of execution and there hanged by the neck until DEAD." The drunk promptly fainted. The court bailiff commenced to reviving the man, and looked up at the judge, at which time the judge shrugged and responded "I've always wanted to do that."
**********************
Two drunks sitting at the rural area bar, lamenting their lack of a sex life. One looks out the window, and across the road is a sheep stuck half way through a fence, with its butt facing the tavern. One drunk says "I sure wish that sheep were Marilyn Monroe." The other says, "I just wish it were dark."
*******************
A man walks into a pub and sits down next to a man with a dog at his feet. "Does your dog bite?" "No."A few minutes later the dog takes a huge chunk out of his leg. "I thought you said your dog didn't bite!" the man says indignantly. "That's not my dog."
*******************
"Did ya hear the news?" asked Keenan of his pal at the saloon. "Harrigan drank so much, his wife left him!" "Bartender! Give me six boilermakers!!"
*****************
Guy walks into the bar, goes up to the bartender. Reaching into his pants pocket, he pulls out a hundred dollar bill. "Set up everybody in the place!" he shouts. The bartender obliges. Suddenly, a little man jumps out of the guy's pocket, runs down the bar, and kicks all of the drinks, smokes, change, etc on the floor. He runs back and jumps back into the guy's pocket. The Bartender asks what's going on. The guy just reaches back into his pants pocket, pulls out another hundred, and says "just set everybody up again." Bartender obliges once more, suspiciously watching the guy. Once more the little man appears from the guy's shirt pocket. Runs down the bar, breaks the glasses, pitches the napkins into the air, etc. Runs back and jumps into the shirt pocket again. This time the guy buttons the pocket. Bartender says, "explain yourself, or leave." Guy says, "Well... I was walking down the beach one day, and ran across a bottle in the sand. Turns out there is a Genie in the bottle. Gave me 3 wishes! So my first wish was to never run out of cash again. Now every time I reach into my pants pocket there is a hundred dollar bill! Second wish was to never be lonely again. Went back to my apartment and there waiting for me were 3 of the most beautiful supermodels you have ever seen, all willing to do whatever I desired from them!" "Third wish... I wished for a 6 inch ***, and THIS IS THE LITTLE *** SAID I ALREADY ONE!!!!!!
*******************
The Doctor was puzzled, "I'm very sorry but I can't diagnose your trouble, Mahoney. I think it must be the drink. " "Don't worry about it Dr. Kelley, I'll come back when you're sober."
*******************
A man goes into a bar and admires the stuffed lion’s head mounted on the wall. “What a great trophy,” says the man to the bartender. “I wouldn’t call it great,” replies the bartender. “That damn lion killed my wife.” “Good heavens,” says the man, “were you on safari?” “No,” replies the bartender. “The screws came loose and it fell on her head.”
JimQ916- Posts : 379
Join date : 2014-12-31
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Valley of the Sun Casual Club :: ENTERTAINMENT , SPORTS & NEWS & SOCIAL MEDIA :: DON"T CHOKE IT "JOKE IT "
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