THE WORLD IS BEAUTIFUL

by **Paul** Sat 05 Sep 2015, 10:11 am

Two hunters are in the woods, when one of them suddenly collapses. He wasn't breathing, and his eyes looked glazed. Thinking quickly, the other guy grabs his cell phone and calls for help. He shouts at the emergency operator, "I think my friend is dead! What do I do!?"

"Calm down", the operator says in a soothing voice, "I can help you. But first, we need to make sure he's dead."

The phone goes silent for a second, then the operator hears a gunshot; "Ok", says the hunter, "now what?"
....................................................................................................................................................................
bad pick up line
What’s wrong beautiful, you’re looking a little sad and gloomy. What you need is some vitamin me.
guy next to him with another pick up line
I like your shirt, wanna f*@#?
third guy
.That shirt’s very becoming on you. Of course, if I were on you I’d be cuming too
.............................................................................................................................................................
Do you like jokes?
If you do, I'll introduce you to my first ex-wife.
................................................................................................................................................................
The Old Veteran
A middle-aged woman decides to have a face-lift for her birthday. She spends $8000 and feels great about the results. On her way home she stops at a newsstand to buy a newspaper.
Before leaving she says to the clerk, "I hope you don't mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?"
"About 32," was the reply.
"I'm exactly 47, " the woman says happily.
A little while later she goes into McDonald's and asks the counter girl,"How old do you think I am?"
"I guess about 29."
The woman excitedly replies, "Nope, I'm 47!"
Now she's feeling really great about herself. She stops in a drugstore on her way . . . down the street . . . asking everyone her question.
While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old Veteran the same question.
He replies, "Lady, I'm 78 and my eyesight is going. Although, when I was young, there was a sure way to tell how old a woman was. It sounds kind of forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra. Then I can tell you exactly how old you are."
They waited in silence on the empty street until curiosity got the best of her. She finally blurts out, "What the hell, go ahead." The Veteran slips both of his hands under her blouse and under her bra and begins to feel around very slowly and carefully.
After a couple of minutes of this she says "Okay, okay, that's enough, .....how old am I?"
The old Veteran completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands and says, "Madam, you are 47."
Stunned and amazed, the woman says, "That was incredible! How could you possibly know that from a feel of my breasts?"
The old Veteran replies, "I was behind you in line at McDonald's."
................................................................................................................................................................
Why do ducks have webbed feet? To stamp out fires.
Why do elephants have flat feet? To stamp out burning ducks.
..............................................................................................................................................................
Did you hear about the the little black boy who had diarrhea?

He thought he was melting!
( oops who said that )
.............................................................................................................................................................
Yesterday, I went to the doctor because I was having major farting problems. He told me to take off my clothes, and he left the room.

He came back in a couple minutes later with a rod about 6 foot long.

"Dear God, what are you going to do with that?!" I asked, filled with fear.

"I'm going to open a window. It smells like shyt in here!"
.............................................................................................................................................................
Today I told my wife, "Last night I had wild, passionate sex with another woman, but I was thinking of you the entire time."

"Because you felt guilty?"

No, because it kept me from cumming too fast!"
.............................................................................................................................................................
My girlfriend is fed up of my constant wordplay jokes.
I asked her, "What can I do to stop my addiction?"
She said, "Whatever means necessary."
"No it doesn't," I said.

.............................................................................................................................................................

Delete
Edit
Reply
Send to Friend
Report Abuse
pdb1

4,683 Posts
[size=13][size=13][size=13][size=13]09-05-2015 9:55 AM[/size][/size][/size][/size]

.............................................................................................................................................................
A Golfers Love Story

An elderly couple were having dinner one evening when the husband
reached across the table, took his wife's hand in his and said, "Martha,
soon we will be married 50 years, and there's something I have to know. In
all of these 50 years, have you ever been unfaithful to me?"

Martha replied, "Well Henry, I have to be honest with you. Yes, I've
been unfaithful to you three times during these 50 years, but always for a
good reason.

Henry was obviously hurt by his wife's confession, but said, "I never
suspected. Can you tell me what you mean by 'good reasons?'"

Martha said, "The first time was shortly after we were married, and we
were about to lose our little house because we couldn't pay the mortgage.

Do you remember that one evening I went to see the banker and the next
day he notified you that the loan would be extended?"

Henry recalled the visit to the banker and said, "I can forgive you for
that. You saved our home, but what about the second time?"

Martha asked, "And do you remember when you were so sick, but we didn't
have the money to pay for the heart surgery you needed? Well, I went to
see your doctor one night and, if you recall, he did the surgery at no
charge..."

"I recall that," said Henry. "And you did it to save my life, so of
course I can forgive you for that. Now tell me about the third time."

"All right!!!"

"Do you remember when you ran for president of your golf club, and you
needed 73 more votes?"
...............................................................................................................................................................
For ALL You Golfers

One morning, three women are golfing when suddenly a man runs by wearing
nothing but a bag over his head.

As he passes by the first woman, she looks down and says, "Well he's
certainly not my husband". As he passes the second woman, she also glances
downwards and says "He's not mine either".

Then he passes by the third woman who also checks out his lower parts
and says, "Wait a minute... he's not even a member of this club!"
..............................................................................................................................................................

Mon	Tue	Wed	Thu	Fri	Sat	Sun
				1	2	3
4	5	6	7	8	9	10
11	12	13	14	15	16	17
18	19	20	21	22	23	24
25	26	27	28	29	30

NEW FORUM INDEX

POPULAR CONTENTS

HEY JOE

DON"T CHOKE IT "JOKE IT "

GIFS,GIFS,GIFS GALORE

CRAZY WGT SHIT

OFF THE WALL , THE NEW LONG WALL

WGT COIN ROOMS & PCEA

WGT POETRY , QUOTES , MOMENTS , and MORE

THE GOLF LINKS

YOUTUBE SHORTS

WGTers PERSONAL KICK ASS HALLS OF FAME(all YouTube videos)

TODAY'S TECHNOLOGY TIPS FROM THE DOCTOR OF TECHNOLOGY AZDEWARS

VOTSCC's GREEN MONSTER

YANCYCAAN FILM FESTIVAL

KELLY'S KOLOSSOL KRAZY KORNER

VOTSCC CC CLUBHOUSE (archives)

ANYTHING ELSE ?

VALLEY OF THE FUN TEASERS 4 pages

WGT COIN ROOMS & PCEA

OFF THE WALL , THE NEW LONG WALL

THE WORLD IS BEAUTIFUL 1 - 9 EDITIONS

FABULOUS RARE FLORA

A SEA OF DELIGHT

WORLD CLOCK

TWO MORE CENTS

TWO MORE CENTS

MORE WACKY & RIDICULOUS