Non-Golf Jokes 1/24

                                                  ***Jan 24th***



I asked my grandma if she had ever tried 69. She said, "No, but I have done 53 -- that's all the sailors I could screw in one night."
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A car slows down at a stop sign and keeps driving. A cop sees him and pulls him over.

The cop asks, "Why didn't you stop?"

The man says, "I slowed down."

The cop pulls out his nightstick and starts beating him. "Now," the cop says, "do you want me to stop or slow down?
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One day a man was stuck in bumper to bumper traffic, and he really had to take a s**t. So he got out of his car and went over to a bush and took a shit in his hat. He couldn't leave his hat there because he had his name on it. He took his hat and on the way to his car he saw a police man. He covered the hat with his hand. The police officer came over and asked him what was in the hat.
The guy said, "It's a hurt bird."
The police officer said, "Let me see the bird."
The man said, "I can't if I take my hand away it will fly away."
The police officer said, "Let me see the bird."
The man said, "I can't - if I take my hand away it will fly away." They kept that up for about five minutes.
Then the police officer got mad and asked him one more time. "Take your hand away and I will reach in really fast and the bird won't fly away!"
The guy said, "Alright." And he slowly removed his hand.
The police officer reached in and grabbed a handful of shit and asked the man, "What is this?"
The man replied, "You must have scared the shit out of it"
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"Excuse me, sir, but does your dog bite?" a new mail man asks.

The old man looks over his newspaper and replies, "Nope."

As soon as the mail man enters the yard, the dog begins snarling and growling, and then attacks the mail man's legs. As the mail man flails around in the yard, he yells, "I thought you said your dog didn't bite!"

The old man mutters, "That ain't my dog."
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